Strange Auditions

With voice overs, I audition almost daily and every so often we get the audition that is, well, stranger than the norm. Now, you have to realize that most auditions these days, come in the form of an email that we must print, interpret, record and then send back as an mp3. No longer are the days where we have a casting director guiding us or voice director giving us key notes and direction. Nope! Today we record in a wondrous vacuum called, “the home studio.” But hey, it totally beats traffic, and I don’t know where you live, but in Los Angeles, that’s HUGE!

Now, sometimes we get a lot of information and it can be helpful…or not. Sometimes we get a simple character description that reads:

Average man or woman ages 25-55, real not announcery” and the script will start with, “Introducing…”   Seriously? Who talks like that, other than announcers and maybe salesmen? And that age description…oh yeah, that’s specific!

It’s with scripts like these that I step into my home booth, and suddenly feel like one of those monkeys from Madagascar. Seriously, I look at the dialogue and direction and think (with  a british accent), “today I shall fling poo.” Sometimes its supreme poo. Sometimes is classic poo. And sometimes it’s just really good poo.

The other day, however, was a whole new level of  “WHAT????” I actually had to step out of my booth and consult a friend in order to fling the appropriate poo.

You see, I received an audition that asked for, “A young kid, sounding 8-10 to play a 90-year-old man in an old-folk’s home. We want him to have the sound and innocence of a child.”  The 5+ pages of dialogue that followed, had this “kid”, hitting on old women and basically acting quite lewd and lascivious with his old fogey friends.

What we ended up creating had my friend and I cracking up. It definitely sounded like a little kid with a dirty old man’s mind. It was supreme poo! Whether I get called back or flushed, is anyone’s game. As long as I’m still flinging….it’s all good!

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